Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
