turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
