We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
