My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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