piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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