textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
