When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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