hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
