apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
