What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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