Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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