i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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