i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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