I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
