I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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