Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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