GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
