I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
