Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
