a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?