I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?