If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.