Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think this conversation is over.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no