why didn't you poke me back
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize