Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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