whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
