Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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