Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
