we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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