There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
