you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
