imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
