Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
