imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
