Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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