If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
