Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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