just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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