Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
