if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
