My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
