If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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