Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
