Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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