Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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