just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
