I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
