yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
