Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
