The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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