For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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