I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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