he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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