I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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