There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
