You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
