There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
