We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
