I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
