I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
