how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
