Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
