Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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