Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
