She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize