i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
false alarm. still invincible.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
