i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
